Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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