You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
