did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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