If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
