yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
