You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
