I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
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I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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