I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
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