I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
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I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
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I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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