4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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