"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
two words: eviction party
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
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