insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
