We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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