What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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