At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
