remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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