Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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