theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
