Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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