I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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