Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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