yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
