96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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