You really coming over, don't trick.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
