we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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