these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
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my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
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I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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