You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
