Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
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You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
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Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
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