my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
