i need an iv and a liver transplant
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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