I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
