I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
