Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I'm just crazy horny about you
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
