mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I'm having to shit out rocks
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
