textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
