am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
