I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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