My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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