Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
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