she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
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I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
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EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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