I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
honey bunches of taint.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
