I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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