we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Randomize
