you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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