dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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