u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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