grandma shit on top of the toilet
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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