Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Pooping to opera.
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