what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
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