I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I met the friendliest cop last night
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
