Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Randomize
