Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
