Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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