I'm laying in your front yard are you home
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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