I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
