everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
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