my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize