Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I am midnight drunk by noon
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
