Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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