i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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