if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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