He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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