Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Well apparently he's into motor boating.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
