Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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