we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
